Monday, April 11, 2005
Time to heal
Tired. Sleepy. Exhausted. Drained. Ruffled up. Disturbed. Sigh.
Felt so depressed just now after getting home from school. A lot of pain washing over me, stirring up feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, sorrow & despair. Cried silently and thought whether i shld approach my mum. But i think it's best that i try to cope alone first, until i really cannot take it. I think she needs as much peace & assurance to know that i'm ok. Prayed and called on the Lord. In a way, i did feel better.
Started reminiscing about certain things in the past. Looking back, i see my flaws & mistakes sticking out like a sore thumb. Just couldn't see them then. Regret is too late. Didn't treasure what i had & i guess this is the price to pay. Perhaps things would have turned out the same way, but in a less painful & hard way if i were mature enough to understand others & know exactly who i am. Need to be more self-confident of myself. Really. Though it's hard to see myself in the same light as before, i just hope i'm not a gone-case & it's not too late.
I'm not looking for anyone now. Nor am i wanting anybody now. In fact, perhaps i shld shut myself out from such things for a long long time. Can't help but feel a little disillusioned & jaded about relationships. Just a little phobic now about this whole thing. Argh, i don't wanna think about this.
It's taking quite a lot out of me. But i'm thankful that i have God to turn to. I hope He has forgiven me for all that i've done wrong. It's time i set my priorities right with Him.
Feeling tired from the crying now. Always do. It really saps energy out of me. Eyes kinda hurt now, like it feels dried up ironically. Shall go hit the sack now. Tomorrow is another new day. A fresh beginning, like the dew. Gonna have to do up my last academic paper ever in NUS... Europe, here i come! *yawn*
oh yes. i really hope my blog gets more and more positive. Healing is, after all, a process right?
Felt so depressed just now after getting home from school. A lot of pain washing over me, stirring up feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, sorrow & despair. Cried silently and thought whether i shld approach my mum. But i think it's best that i try to cope alone first, until i really cannot take it. I think she needs as much peace & assurance to know that i'm ok. Prayed and called on the Lord. In a way, i did feel better.
Started reminiscing about certain things in the past. Looking back, i see my flaws & mistakes sticking out like a sore thumb. Just couldn't see them then. Regret is too late. Didn't treasure what i had & i guess this is the price to pay. Perhaps things would have turned out the same way, but in a less painful & hard way if i were mature enough to understand others & know exactly who i am. Need to be more self-confident of myself. Really. Though it's hard to see myself in the same light as before, i just hope i'm not a gone-case & it's not too late.
I'm not looking for anyone now. Nor am i wanting anybody now. In fact, perhaps i shld shut myself out from such things for a long long time. Can't help but feel a little disillusioned & jaded about relationships. Just a little phobic now about this whole thing. Argh, i don't wanna think about this.
It's taking quite a lot out of me. But i'm thankful that i have God to turn to. I hope He has forgiven me for all that i've done wrong. It's time i set my priorities right with Him.
Feeling tired from the crying now. Always do. It really saps energy out of me. Eyes kinda hurt now, like it feels dried up ironically. Shall go hit the sack now. Tomorrow is another new day. A fresh beginning, like the dew. Gonna have to do up my last academic paper ever in NUS... Europe, here i come! *yawn*
oh yes. i really hope my blog gets more and more positive. Healing is, after all, a process right?
// posted by superlambanana @ 11:53 PM 
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